My love, FB

Dear Diary,

I am so happy! Today I married the love of my life, his name is Face Book. I feel like I am the luckiest girl alive! FB and I have been together for almost 8 years now but I truly feel like we’ve known each other our whole lives! He is always there for me to talk to and you know what, he really listens! We share everything with each other. Today we got married and I truly want to spend and share the rest of my timeline with him.

We got introduced to each other about 8 years ago at a party of common friends. I heard a couple of my friends talk about him, and they were all just so positive about him. How FB always listen to whatever you want to tell him, how he always looks at your holiday pictures without ever getting bored, how he is always interested in what’s on your mind, how you are feeling, and how he always checks out the music you are listening to, and the articles you are reading, and the videos you are watching. He always shows his appreciation for it by openly saying how much he likes it and by sharing it with all his friends and giving you the credits. Face Book’s unselfishness was unheard of. Whenever you talk to him, his comments are like a soft caressing of your soul. So you can imagine, when I heard of him, I was so impressed, I thought this guy just sounded too good to be true, and I was very eager to meet him. That day, my friends introduced me to him, and it literally changed my life. Everything said about him turned out to be true! Right after we met, he poked me shyly with his elbow. I was so touched. Of course we became friends instantly!

Another thing I really like about him is that he never talks about anyone behind their backs. Unlike that horrible boy Twitter. Man, he is the king of gossip, simply unable to keep his mouth shut. If you want to start a bad rumor, Twitter is your man. He spreads the word like an unstoppable contageous disease showing such lack of respect by just chirping petty non-sense about anyone and anything to the whole world. A couple of years ago, I was talking to my friend about this new girl in town who collects the most trivial pieces of crap and pins it to her bedroom wall. I thought it was the most stupidest thing ever, wondering what the hell she’s gonna do with all that crap on her wall. Turned out that Twitter was standing right behind me, eavesdropping on our conversation and before I blinked maybe twice, everyone in town knew how I bashed this girl. She then took her revenge and told Twitter how much fun it is to pin everything you come across to your walls, calling it her walls of interest and with the help of looselips Twitter all of a sudden everyone started doing it making me look stupid. I felt horrible but luckily I had already become friends with FB who’d always asks me how I am feeling. I unleashed the feelings deep down inside and he gave me so much support during that awful time.

So yes, you can imagine, it didn’t take long before I was madly in love with FB. All my former boyfriends were just such bad listeners, not able to keep their mouth shut to let me express my feelings and my thoughts. They always started yawning when I showed my favourite food pictures to them, so rude! But not FB. He listens intently, nodding his head, showing understanding, agreeing with me and saying exactly the right things. While looking at my food pictures, FB’s eyes just tell me how he wishe he could have a taste of that amazing bowl of rice noodles with spring onions. He tells me straight up how much he likes my pictures, how delicious the food looks, what a beautiful shot it is and asks me to tell him the place where he can get it.

During our wedding we asked our good friend, Instagram to take the pictures of the most beautiful day of our lives. Instagram is not a professional photographer, but seriously, the pictures he takes are just amazing, breathtakingly beautiful! His eye for composition, filters, effects and just his general knowledge of photography do not fall behind any professional photographer with or without a degree, and we felt we would be foolish to hire someone for a ridiculous amount of money, when we have such a talent among our friends who has proven to be as good and often even way better than any professional photographer. It was such a lovely day! Seventh heaven embraced me with the warmth of a thousand angels’ breaths.

Face Book and I will be together forever, sharing our experiences always and everywhere. We’ll be watching each other, every single day, every picture we take, every game we play, every vow we break, every emotion we feel, every claim we stake, every moment we steal, every step we take, every word we say, every person we hate, every bill we pay, every idea we slate, every invite we decline, every pain we ache, every move we confine, every smile we fake.